Mordor and Isengard Go to War

A Case Study of Multipolar Elite Theory

A piece by guest contributor Jon from Knights of Dissent.

Part 1: The Paraglider War

On October 7, 2023, 1,000 masked men embarked on the most whimsical offensive in the 4,000-year history of warfare in the Levant. Borne aloft by rainbow paragliders, these daring rascals traversed the treacherous airspace between Israel and the largest prison camp on Planet Earth. After disembarking, the rag-garbed rapscallions proceeded ungraciously to humiliate both the Israeli Defense Forces and the kibbutzim militias charged with defending Israel’s southern half.

How, exactly, these masked miscreants managed to romp around southern Israel, relatively unmolested, for over a day remains a mystery. Some lucky gumshoe will have the privilege of waxing speculative on the failures, backstabbing, and espionage which permitted the worst failure in Israeli military history.

Part 2: Judea Declares War on Harvard Yard

The October 7 attack was immediately declared the new 9/11 by the Zionist press. Unfortunately for them, the 22 years since the original 9/11 have seen tens of millions of Muslim migrants and the corresponding rise of an academic substructure designed to legitimize the continued presence of said migrants. It turns out that both the migrants and the freakish student populations who supported them were not too fussed about 9/11 and generally thought that a sequel was long overdue. The manifestation of this sentiment was nearly two weeks of chanting, marches, sit-ins, and generally terrible optics.

The locus of these boisterous antics was, naturally, the Ivy League — long-decayed institutional temples built on the bones of Nephilim and WASP political capital. To the absolute surprise of nobody anywhere, universities are funded by rich old Jews, and rich old Jews don’t like being called mean names.

In an act of swift retaliation, the unshakable stonk man, Bill Ackman, swooped in to prove the vile antisemites wrong, by demanding the release of the names of Harvard students who signed on to the Palestine Solidarity Committee statement (one of the most tepid student responses, since it did not explicitly call for the complete annihilation of Israel). Within two days — purely by coincidence — large trucks bearing the doxes of Ivy League students mysteriously appeared.

The Stonk Man’s Doxing Van

The U.S. Congress then did what it does best and called hearings, where the Ivy League presidents were grilled for hours about inconsequential tripe. The highlight of these hearings was the testimony of President Claudine Gay, who clarified that although calling for a global intifada does go against Harvard Values, she was unsure whether it violated the student code of conduct. Ackman responded by declaring all-out war against the Ivy League. This quest was deceptively easy, despite the fact that only three of the Ivy League schools still have gentile presidents. Penn’s president, Elizabeth Magill, was quickly removed and replaced by Julie Platt, currently chair of the Jewish Federations of North America. However, in a surprise turn of events, Harvard stood by their black queen Claudine Gay. Despite the horrendous optics of the testimony and allegations of plagiarism, they stand by her. Ackman, it seems, has truly underestimated the true power of Black Girl Magic. (Unstoppable force meets immovable object.) Or, more precisely, Ackman has underestimated the danger of creating a massive fifth column entirely motivated by ethnic grievance.

Part 3: Real Politick from the Comfort of Your Couch

Let’s sit back and consider the totality of the situation from a Machiavellian perspective. Mordor is waging war against Isengard. The commanders of the orc legions have lost trust in their own troops. This state of affairs is quite useful, since every minute the Eye of Sauron glares at Harvard is a minute spent not glaring at us.

“I Enjoy Making [Current Thing] Worse!”

In short, let them fight. Focus on the real problems facing the movement. Instead of reposting rage bait from Libs of TikTok, sit back and watch the fireworks. We don’t often get to watch two factions of the regime snap at each other’s throats. Better yet, take the opportunity to stoke some tension between the two factions. You’re a creative bunch. I’m sure you can think of something.