You Are a Manchild

Without self-reliance, you will never do anything more than just get by.

By guest contributor Beaver Dan.

This article is the product of a personal meditation and reflection I had after a series of events that are not pertinent to this article. I have chosen to publish this because it is a problem every man faces. This has been written with the utmost love.

The defining characteristic of a manchild is the expectation that his own life is the responsibility of others. The manchild outsources his agency in exchange for comfort and an easy life. Sure, you can laugh at how pathetic Millennials are a generation of helpless and hopelessly dependent men with the emotional maturity of a twelve-year-old. But what if I told you that you are also a manchild?

Emotion

Let’s start with the root cause of the existence of the manchild — his emotional problems. I am sure we are all aware of that video of the 30-something-year-old crying of excitement over a corporate product. The reason this video is so viscerally disgusting to so many people is a combination of 1) his unregulated emotional state and 2) the fact that something so ultimately inconsequential as a commercial product seems to be the source of who he is, his identity. Not something of his own — not his family, his friendships, his community, or higher mission in life — but an entertainment product upon which he has built a parasocial relationship. The manchild receives. He is a passive actor in his life, identity, and emotional state.

You may see his reaction and think, “Well, I don’t respond to products, celebrities, or whatever else like that,” and you may be right. But do you have extreme reactions to how people perceive you? Do you forgo your calm when others do not “fulfill” their part in making you feel good, validating you, coddling you?

It is true that your emotions are a response to external inputs, but how you feel when inputs are applied to you is filtered by how you conceive the world. The manchild’s anxiety makes him wait to be harmed by situations he thinks he has no control over. Here is where we get to why the manchild is a problem, not just to himself, but to others: insecurity.

Insecurity

Here is where most of your “I am not a manchild” excuses will fall. First of all, I am not saying that just any concern over how others perceive you is a mark of inherent insecurity. People treat you differently based on how you present yourself. Wanting to dress nicely out of self-respect and respect for others, or being well-groomed, does not make you a manchild. What makes you a manchild is having a constant anxiety and a feeling of powerlessness, which makes you unpredictable, unsettling, even dangerous.

How is your temper when things don’t go your way? Do you lose it and throw a fit? Or do you shut down and quit? If either is true, you are a manchild. These reactions stem from a feeling of powerlessness, and a feeling that who you are, fundamentally, is under threat. Losing your peace under the perils of hardship.

When you are insecure, unpredictability, uneasiness, and erratic behavior become part of the game. To put it simply, insecure men are not to be trusted. From their gut and fragile self often come scheming, lies, and death. The mask worn by them bears deceit. The Apostle Paul writes: “Let no man deceive you with empty words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the sons of disobedience” (Ephesians 5:6). Let go of all insecurities, hard as it may be, and build yourself on the path of righteousness.

A few months ago, I had the privilege of meeting Stephen Carson (Radical Liberation) at the Austrian Economics Research Conference hosted by the Ludwig von Mises Institute. Mr. Carson’s command of the room, his manners, and his confidence made his interactions seamless. A man secure on his feet, he had the gentleness and discernment of how to interact with anyone. I am not saying that Mr. Carson, still bound by sin, is a perfect man with no flaws, but he is an example of what a man who has rejected the manchild self can become.

Pain

This great constant of life is one that must be mastered for a man to grow up. Taking Schopenhauer’s view — that the point of life is to avoid and minimize pain and suffering as much as possible — will ensure that you will never truly live. Pain will happen. A child’s way is to run for eternal pleasure and comfort, staying in his comfort zone, taking no real risks, and staying in an eternal state of stunted development. Pressures and discomforts force us to grow — a lesson I, and many others, have had to learn repeatedly.

This is not to say that you should actively seek out pain and suffering, for that would be quite idiotic. But it is to say that that which will bring you glory, and a good life, often comes with challenges that must be labored through. Had comfort been the only thing in the minds of men, most great civilizational and technological feats would have never occurred. Sailing to the New World was not done because explorers thought they would face no pain. The field of botany would not have existed had botanists been too scared of facing the discomforts of nature.

Pain is not a good in itself, but when it hits, it pierces deep into the soul, nakedly exposing your full self. This is why such great art tends to come after the piercing sword of pain opens up the artist’s guts.

On a practical side, the problem with the manchild when suffering pain is that his mental state of helplessness makes him lose control of himself, and he proceeds to have a mental breakdown. This lack of emotional grounding leads to impotent, even dangerous outbursts, wherein only God knows where the outburst is going to be directed.

When King David’s son Absalom was slain in battle fighting against his own father’s kingdom, David proclaimed, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would God I had died for thee” (2 Samuel 18:33). And his cries of mourning were heard by his servants, who just moments earlier had saved David’s kingdom from Absalom’s attack. Does David, a father, have the right to mourn his son’s death? Yes. However, part of his role as a man and a patriarch is to care for his people, who had done right by killing Absalom. Loudly decrying his army’s victory led Israel to believe that “if Absalom had lived, and all Israel had died that night, it would’ve pleased King David well” (2 Samuel 19:6, paraphrased). David’s mismanagement of pain had a real and dangerous effect on those he should have cared for the most. Unmanaged pain brings forth nothing but destruction, either to oneself or to others.

Taking Care of Yourself

Nothing makes us realize how dependent we are on other people as when we see a baby being fed. As the child grows, he gains independence, and with it, certain responsibilities to himself, and to the world more broadly. The problem that exists is that those opportunities to grow are stifled by our environment. It is easier and faster for Mom to put the kid shoes on than to wait for the boy to do it on his own. God forbid the shoe has laces and he has to tie them, too.

The manchild’s outsourcing of his agency to the broader world means that he has absolutely zero self-reliance. Here is where it is the clearest who has it together and who doesn’t. Go to your local Wal-Mart. How many of the men are disgusting, unkempt slobs? The quality of men is steadily going down, and when you look at who your peers are, you will realize that it is not hard to stand out.

Self-care is the foundation of self-respect. I cannot believe I have to say this, but wash your damn clothes, learn manners, take care of your hair, trim your nails, and smell nice. Money, while useful, is not needed for behaving in a dignified manner. If the working class of 1901 could do it, you can too.

Self-care will allow you to perform your best, and make people comfortable around you. A man who does not take care of himself is a man who has given up.

Without self-reliance, you will never do anything more than just get by. Do not expect to be the pillar of another’s life if you can’t even ground yourself. If you can’t be trusted with yourself, how can you be trusted to take care of others? The better kept a man is, the more he is able to lift others up. I am not only talking about the physical, but the spiritual, too. Guard your soul; it is too important and foundational to squander.

This 1951 PSA offers us a simple guide to self-reliance:

1. Assume responsibility.

2. Be informed.

3. Know where you’re going.

4. Make your own decisions.

Empowerment

Acquiring self-reliance is the foundation that kills the manchild. Slowly roll back the outsourcing of your sovereignty, your agency, and reclaim it yourself. When empowerment takes place, you become the architect of your life and others’. Wisdom will lead you on that road.

Lead the way, honoring the road your ancestors paved for you. Realize that great men do exist, and they are made through struggle. Do not succumb to the deconstructionist idea that you are powerless, just a man.

The good thing about empowerment is realizing that you can do something about it. The scary thing about empowerment is that it is you who must do something about it.

A Man’s Value

I am going to say something you will disagree with, but I fully believe that men are born absolutely inherently worthless. Yes, God loves you, but he values you in spite of your inherent worthlessness. Your value is based on who you are, and the output you give to the world by making the world in a way that honors and glorifies God.

This may sound disconcerting. After all, a normal young man does not have much to offer. However, here is where you can start to build up your value. You do not need to be rich to be a net positive to society; indeed, for the most part, a young man’s biggest asset is making those around him feel secure. I do not mean that you should be a therapist to others — you’re too young to be a mentor — but when those around you like you and trust you, they will gravitate to you, and a network will be formed.

As a man, leveraging your network through cooperation will increase your ability to act. There is nothing more worthless than a helpless man. Nobody owes you love, praise, or affection; those things are earned after proving that you deserve them.

Final Comments

You are not going to fix yourself in a week, not even a year, but through a life-long process of self-examination, action, and reflection. Capitalize on that pressure to enact change. A man can only choose either to improve and empower himself, or to give up and live what can only be considered a mockery of life. Take your time, and compare yourself to who you were a week ago. Have you learned new skills (even something as basic as how to use a grill, organize your time, or jumpstart your car)? The author does not claim to be a perfect follower of what is written here (though I should be). As I said, this began as a self-reflection that later turned into an article. It is as much of a challenge for me as it is for you.

Take rest when needed; an exhausted and highly anxious body will be detrimental to everyone around you in the future. Take out the grill, hang out with your network, and deepen the relationship. A 24/7 grind will kill you in the long run. Part of being a well-rounded man is having the discernment of when to be serious and productive, and when to sit back and enjoy life.

If you need guidance, watch the PSAs I have linked at the bottom. They may be old, but wisdom has no expiration.

A major benefit of organizations like the OGC is that you will find peak human capital, men you can look up to and learn from, coming from all areas of expertise — from homesteading, to fitness, to history, to economics, to finance, to political analysis. You are the sum average of those you surround yourself with, so surround yourself with people who are better than you. Never be the smartest man in the room, as you won’t be pushed to learn and be better.

You are building yourself into a man. If you know an older man whom you deem to be wise and trustworthy, try to be his mentee. Talk to him about struggles you may face, and accept his voice of clarity. I do not know you. You will need someone who wills to set you on the path for life. I know, I said people don’t owe you love or affection. This does not mean that people hate you; chances are, most people are utterly indifferent to you. Use this to your advantage, as your relationship starts on a blank canvas, and you will paint on it. Will you paint something inspiring? Or dreadful? Your choice.

Finally, never lose your child-like wonder of the world. Curiosity and optimism are virtues, and realize that you will never know it all. Keep yourself grounded and humble. Be a man to protect that which is good and beautiful.

To be a man is to be capable, and to be good. Are you up to the task?

Resources

Most important PSA:

Second most important PSA: