Mordor and Isengard Go Bananas

Vibes Recession Edition

By guest contributor Jon from Knights of Dissent.

Part 1: Prelude

On November 5, 2024, America entered its most severe Vibes Recession to date. Proud Indo-African-American woman Kamala Harris was soundly defeated by Trump and the Thielbux Coalition. Vibes markets instantly reacted, with vibes futures prices tanking. A Vibes Recession occurs when there are two sequential quarters of negative vibes growth. Since the election of Trump, we have seen not only a steep decline in the quantity of vibes, but the quality as well. The American Ethos has taken on a thoroughly Stygian edge. Dark MAGA has become Penumbral MAGA, or perhaps even Eldritch MAGA, ripping vibes from the heart of America into the gravity well of its icy depths.

The group most poignantly effected by the Vibes Recession has been the American Zionist movement. Still reeling from the 2023 Paraglider Uprising,¹ America’s Zionist bulwark suffered yet another great blow to morale, as the crashing vibes market resulted in a widespread shortage of empathy for the State of Israel and its supporters. Open hostility and antipathy to Israel’s geopolitical project ran rampant both on the Internet and in real life. In response, the IDF pulled out all the stops, blowing up journalists² and shooting NGO employees,³ but even these acts failed to convince Chuds that Israel was cool.

Trump took the popular mandate and anti-Israel wave as a golden opportunity to black-van several of the less optical Palestine protestors and aggressively cut funding for top universities. However, far from providing a much-needed vibes stimulus, the use of hard power against traditionally Jewish influence centers tanked vibes even further.

Part 2: The Smolder from Boulder

Perhaps the most severe consequence of the ongoing Vibes Recession has been the abortive left-wing attempts at political violence. However, the American Left’s Minecrafting muscles have atrophied since the glory days of the 1960s. As May faded into June, we saw a particularly embarrassing example of this behavior, when obese Gen Xer and illegal immigrant Mohamed Sabry Soliman tossed several Olive Garden water decanters full of burning gasoline into a crowd of geriatric pro-Israel demonstrators. Soliman’s attack became even more embarrassing when it was revealed that he had been plotting for an entire year.⁴

This is only the most recent leftoid attack, but I am sure we can expect to see many more; such is the shortage of vibes in our nation.

Part 3: The Whale Loneliness Epidemic

However, Israel and its allies are not the only victims of the Vibes Recession. For we are daily reminded of the Male Loneliness Epidemic: the young Chuds among us are not willing to sacrifice the joys of playing League of Legends to fawn over women in public spaces. America’s infotainment rags are daily stuffed to the gills with experts bloviating on the potential causes of and solutions for this great social malady. One proposed explanation is a lack of “Third Spaces,” which are defined as spaces not connected to work or home. This explanation particularly bears notice, because its analysis comes dangerously close to the assessment of American race relations in Robert Putnam’s 2000 book Bowling Alone.⁵

However, it must be noted that those who cry most loudly about this male loneliness problem are not men at all. In fact, it seems that the “male loneliness” problem is about neither loneliness nor males, but a sudden outburst of Deleuzian Ressentiment on the part of America’s most oppressed underclass — the scorned fat woman. Fat women seem to identify their own failures in life with the electoral defeat of Kamala Harris. The “free drink and compliments” boom that Obama’s era⁶ of low interest rates allowed for has come to an end, leaving America’s rotund queens high and dry.

Figure 1: “I Love Frat Boys.”

We may reasonably hypothesize that Kamala Harris has become a vicarious avatar for all fat or otherwise mediocre American women. Why won’t the frat boys vote for Kamala? should be understood to mean Why won’t the frat boys pay attention to me? The rise and fall of America’s tubby single women parallel the rise and fall of McMansions, both being low-interest rate phenomena. As with houses, in times of artificially cheap credit, it becomes more affordable to buy larger; but austerity and recession reveal these investments to be “unwise.”

In the final analysis, the Vibes Recession has resulted in wide-scale psychological projection and an attack upon the autonomy of the American Chud, whose cozy solitude and lack of girlfriend are daily cited not only as an emblematic mark of the Vibes Recession, but a veritable threat to human civilization.

More recent attempts at solving this question have invoked the doctrines of 20th-century Psychoanalyst and Tavistock Clinic Director John Bowlby. It has been alleged that America is a nation of un-hugged babies⁷ lashing out from our collective crib — our lack of empathy and care for our fellow man spurred by a neurological deficiency.

This sentiment has been echoed by fake Scotsman Scott Galloway, whose message blends Israeli apologetics⁸ with 2010s Men’s Rights Activism.⁹ Rev. Hans Fiene (LCMS) concurs, adding that America’s Chud population’s bitter hatred for the State of Israel has, in fact, its root in a lack of girlfriends¹⁰ and teenage love. Perhaps he is unaware that Palestinians are currently waging a Rassenkrieg against the State of Israel, despite having lots of teenage love.

Part 4: In Conclusion

Not even the right-wingiest Chuds have been exempt from the Vibes Recession. For our timelines are daily assaulted by inferior goods produced by the likes of Richard Hanania.¹¹ The daily consumption of content has become positively a drag on the soul. Let us hope that the Fed soon sees fit to give us a good vibes stimulus (and hikes interest rates to double digits).

1. Knights of Dissent, “Mordor and Isengard Go to War,” Old Glory Club Substack, December 18, 2023.

2. Reuters, “IDF strikes in Gaza reportedly kill 20, including journalist, rescue service official,” Jerusalem Post, May 25, 2025.

3. Jerusalem Post Staff, “New video contradicts IDF version of killing of aid workers in Gaza - NYT,” Jerusalem Post, April 5, 2025.

4. Trevor Hughes, “How a father of 5 morphed into a terror suspect with Boulder’s Jews in his crosshairs,” USA Today, June 3, 2025.

5. Robert Putnam, Bowling Alone: Revised and Updated: The Collapse and Revival of American Community (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2020 2nd Ed. [2000]).

6. For an example of this phenomenon, consider the conspicuous 2010s popularity of singer Meghan Trainor.

7. Faith Hill, “America Is in Its Insecure-Attachment Era,” The Atlantic, April 27, 2023.

8. Roni Dori, “Scott Galloway: ‘When it comes to hate against Jews, freedom of speech is absolute,’” CTech by Calcalist, May 24, 2021.

9. Scott Galloway, “How the US Is Destroying Young People’s Future,” uploaded to YouTube by TED on May 2, 2024.

10. Hans Fiene (@HansFiene), “My theory on the rise of Jew hatred among young conservative men…” March 9, 2025. Archived at: archive.ph/ZhNTM.

11. “Richard Banania,” uploaded to YouTube by Slovo Podcast on December 29, 2024.